11 October 2007

Beep, beep

At 4:45 this morning I was awoken by the sound of a beep. It was a weird, not very loud beep. It didn't scare the pants off me or make me jump from the bed like the burglar alarm would but there it was again, a beep. I laid in bed in a semi-conscious state and listened for the noise again.

Crap, I know what that beep is! It's the stupid beep on the smoke detector telling us lowly house dwellers that it is time to change the battery. You know the beep, it is the one that doesn't turn off until you do as it requests. The last time this happened it was the middle of the afternoon and I was completely perplexed as to how to fix this problem; not this time though. Ha, stupid smoke alarm you thought you had me- how wrong you are I have learned lessons, I can solve problems. This time I shall go to the hall closet get a battery, change you and head back to bed.

I moseyed my way to the hall closet, turned on the light and got the package of batteries. Half way back I realized I had the wrong kind of batteries. That's right stupid smoke alarm I am smart, you need a 9-volt battery. So off I went back to the hall closet to get a 9-volt battery. I opened the door, looked around. No 9-volt battery!

As the beep continued I had a thought; one of LM's toys must use a 9-volt battery. So I traipsed myself into the sunroom, turned on the light and began sifting through the freaking toys. No, not you Winnie; no, you won't help either computer; no, blocks don't have batteries. Dinosaur toy... thanks anyway.

Okay, no batteries there. Ah ha, there is a battery in the keypad on the outside of the garage door. Shit, that means I have to go outside. That also means that I have to put real clothes on, you know, just in case one of my neighbors is out unscrewing things from the outside of their home at 5 in the morning.

I got dressed, headed for the garage to get a screw driver, opened the front door and ran like hell with the phone in my hand just in case I had to call 911 because someone was waiting outside my door because they knew that I would be unscrewing batteries from the wall at precisely 5:00am walked to the garage and unscrewed the face plate to get the battery. Battery in hand- Take that stupid smoke detector, I'll show you.

I hopped up on a chair, pulled out the beeping battery and put in the new one. I was now officially the smartest woman I know (clearly, I have very low standards). I walked back to get in bed, was two steps from hopping in,


You have got to be kidding me. This can not be happening. Ok, I can handle this. After all I am an adult who is facing a measly smoke detector. I have an idea; I shall unplug the entire thing from the wall. I grabbed the chair again, reached for the smoke detector, unplugged it from the wall, put it on the computer desk, walked to the bed,


Ok, seriously you are UNPLUGGED! How in the hell can you still be beeping? This is not happening. As I sat on the edge of the bed teetering awfully close to a meltdown I realized that I should just give up. I am an adult, a bona-fide grown-up. I have been raising a child on my own for almost 10 months. If I can do survive a deployment surely I can force myself to ignore the beeping and go back to sleep. Yes, that is what I will do; like a Jedi-mind trick.

I re-plugged in the smoke detector closed the door to prevent some of the beeping noise from infiltrating my room and climbed into bed. I was pumped, I could do this- I could will myself back to sleep because by God I was an adult.

No beeping.

No beeping at all.

Totally stopped beeping.


1 comment:

Alicia said...

Sometimes I think our houses make noises just to make us go crazy when we're all by our selves.

Also, what kind of neighborhood are you living in that the neighbors are spying on you at 5am?

Maybe that's why they guy doesn't want to wait to buy your house? He doesn't want to miss out on all the fun that could be had spying else where?