28 May 2007

due date times 365

I was due May 28, 2006. 3M and I spent the day at the beach and then went out for dinner. LM did not believe that this was to be his birthday and alas it was not.

I am amazed that it has been 365 days since that day. It seems like just yesterday and like a million years ago all at the same time. I wonder if that is how I will feel next May 28th? Will I be sitting in our new home getting ready for a picnic or a trip to the beach? Will things be back to normal? Will we once again be a happy and complete family?

3M's deployment is 365 days. A year, just like this one. Will we look back on this deployment year and think "wow, do you remember how fast the time passed" or will it forever be the longest year of my life?

I don't know the answers to these questions. I suppose I will have to wait another 365 days until I can be sure.

To all of those people who have lost loved ones in the fight for our freedom I say thank-you. Thank you for your sacrifice and thank you for loving those brave man and women. They and you are truly my heroes!!

26 May 2007

The stories of 3M

Since I erased the original blog I started when 3M left I decided that I would link to a few of the stories about him and his team.

Take a Walk in His Shoes

The Day Our World Stood Still

Some of the Men He Serves Beside

21 May 2007

Weclome to our world

I must shamefully admit that I have been watching the Bachelor. I will preface it by saying that I have a weird Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon thing with this Bachelor. He is a friend of a childhood friend and for that reason, and the fact that he is military, I was hooked. Needless to say I have been glued to my television.

Tonight the Bachelor picked his bride-to-be (who I thought was the best choice, not that anyone was asking me).

As I sat and watched I found myself wanting to tell this woman what she is getting into by marrying the military. I wanted to share all of the things that you don't understand or don't think about before you are the wife, before you are the Staff Sergeant's wife, the Major's wife or even the General's wife.

So here goes...

Dear Tessa,

You are beginning a journey that many of us forged through, and for that reason I say welcome. I could give you advice or tell you the secrets to success but the truth is I don't know them because I don't think there are any. You have just found the man of your dreams and you are embarking on the most difficult yet rewarding journey of your entire existence.

Your life if forever changed. This man who has walked into your heart and made it his home is one of the bravest and most dedicated men that you will ever know. He is fiercely loyal and unbelievably determined. He will strive for things that you couldn't even imagine. He will walk into a building because everyone else is running out. He will be your rock. He will be your sanity. He will be your everything and you won't be able to imagine a second of your life spent apart from him.

The things is those seconds apart will come. Unfortunately, they will turn to minutes, hours, days, then months. You will have to say "see you soon" and pick the pieces up as he goes and fights for something he believes in. You will have to stand, helpless as you watch him walk away, not because he wants to but because he understands why he is going and that understanding and belief gives him comfort and strength. He understands that they are protecting you, us, our children, our future.

You will sometimes go to bed at night with tears in your eyes. There will be mornings when you wake up and the tears will still be there. You will walk into a party and feel alone because you are the only one there without a husband to lean on. You will get frustrated when you hear "I can't tell you that" or angry when the phone doesn't ring. You may even find yourself jealous of other couples walking through the mall holding hands and talking to their children; wondering why they are together while you have to be apart from the man you would lay your life on the line for.

Life will be hard, there is no denying it. The secret is; it is totally worth it. To see your husband climb out of that jet, or walk down that field wearing that uniform that melts your heart every single solitary time you see it; that is worth all of the struggles, the loneliness and the tears. You see we are truly blessed, we are married to the most amazing men that will ever walk this earth.

So while it may not always be easy, it is always worth it. I wish you luck but I don't think you need it. I think somehow these men of ours know that we will be alright and that is part of the reason they have chosen to spend their lives with us.

Welcome to our world!

19 May 2007


I have decided that I shall start a new tradition. Saturday will be picture day. Enjoy and have a great weekend.

16 May 2007

What's in a name*

The running joke since 3M got his wings and checked into a fleet squadron was that he is the man of a million first names. People say this because our last name, if pronounced slightly incorrect could sound like a first name commonly heard in today's nursing homes (i.e. there are not too many children running around with this name anymore). Add to that the fact that 3M does the weird southern thing where you have a first name but you don't actually use it, instead you go by your middle name. As if that wasn't confusing enough he got a call-sign that is an acronym. That acronym also happens to be a possible and plausible first name.

So to sum up, 3M has a:
1. last name that could be a first name (LN)
2. first name that he doesn't use (FN)
3. middle name that he uses as his actual name (AN)
4. a call sign that could be a first name (CS)

Are you still with me...

Ok, good.

So here's the thing. The squadron that 3M was in before he deployed can NEVER, EVER, NEVER get his freaking name right!!!!!!!!

When he first left, they kept referring to him by his FN. When someone tried to correct them, she (not me) was told that his FN was what was on the phone tree so people would get confused if they didn't use that name. Okay, really I could understand that logic if say we happened to have the last name of Johnson or perhaps Smith and there were other Smith's or Johnson's in the squadron, but alas, last I checked our last name is really uncommon and therefore unlikely to cause mass confusion because we are the only ones with this LN. Not to mention the fact that he is the only Marine deployed from this squadron.

In the next few pieces of information they sent out about him or when they called me they started referring to him by his CS and our LN, as if this was him actual name. I can understand this, sort of, as it is common to refer to guys in the squadron by their CS. However, I don't think the squadron newsletter that goes out to everyone is the appropriate place to use his CS instead of his AN, especially because you are not using anyone else's call sign (yes, I checked).

I sort of let it go, or at least stopped thinking about it and how much it pissed me off until today.

The phone rang and it was a very high up in his squadron and the conversation went like this:

VHU: Hi Erin, how are you doing?

Me: Just fine, VHU, how are things at the squadron...

VHU: Blah, blah, blah (provides some kind of answer that I wasn't really listening to (sorry))

Me: Well that's good

VHU: How is (awkward pause) I call him CS but I think you call him AN, doing?

Me: Oh, he's good, just ready to come home on leave

Me on the inside: are you freaking out of your mind? I think you call him?????? I call him, AN, because, oh I don't know, it happens to be his NAME!!!!! I know that is weird and all, calling someone by there actual name, but I figured... hey why not, I like to live on the wild side.

Okay really, I understand that 3M does have an overabundance of potential first names but in reality he only has one, that's right just one, and pretty much anyone who has known us for more than about 5 minutes has no trouble understanding what his AN is.

Does VHU think that I hung out with him for a little while and then randomly asked if he would mind if I started calling him by some made up name? And if this were the case would he think I would come up with something a littler cooler than a first name of about half of the men in this country???

Should I mention the fact that other people in the squadron also go by their middle name, rather than their FN, and there is no, absolutely no, confusion???

You're right I probably shouldn't mention that..


* also known as the post in which I use entirely too many exclamation points and capital letters in an attempt to convey how much this topic drives me insane

I've Been Tagged

Alicia tagged me for this meme and since I am a big loser with nothing better to do (read: a huge procrastinator who has no desire to wash the kitchen floor) here goes:

INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.

a lifetime
Pieces of Me
The blog. Yep, the blog.
Slave To The Mommy Trade
The Hectic Homefront

Next select five people to tag:
1. Elizabeth at Long Road to Baby- she has not updated in quite sometime because she is preggers but come on woman, everyone loves a little pregnancy neuroticness!!!
2-5. Ok.. yeah. Big loser! Actually I could tag a few others but I won't so instead you can show that you love me and actually read this blog by posting this meme on your site and then linking back. My poor ego thanks you in advance for not shattering it (is the guilt working by the way)

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Ten years ago I was just about to graduate from high school, so that means I must have been thoroughly convinced that I knew everything and could do anything.... Wow, high school was ten years ago...

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Exactly, one year ago today this was me. I was hugely pregnant and blessed with a lovely case of cankles

Five snacks you enjoy:

1. frozen yogurt
2. sour gummy bears
3. strawberries
4. almonds
5. margaritas :)

Five songs that you know all the lyrics:
1. If you're happy and you know it
2. The Wheels on the Bus
3. ABC's
4. Happy Birthday
5. Itsy Bitsy Spider
Like Alicia, I must admit to being slightly pathetic in this category... I am actually sitting at the computer thinking of songs and trying to sing the words.. consider yourself lucky this is not a video blog

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Put most of it away for LM and his future siblings education (practical and boring I know)
2. Buy 3M a plane so we could go flying
3. Build our dream house on the water somewhere
4. Get massages- OFTEN
5. Plan an awesome vacation for the three of us and my parents and sister

Five bad habits:
1. Procrastinating
2. Obsessing over things that LM is doing or not doing
3. Not speaking my mind
4. Eating frozen yogurt and ice cream out of the container
5. Removing the blackheads from my face (bet that was a visual you didn't need)

Five things you like doing:
1. Going out on the boat with 3M and just relaxing.
2. Playing with LM and watching him learn new things.
3. Exercising. I know that sounds ridiculous because usually I dread starting but I always feel so much better when I am done.
4. Going to the beach.
5. Gossiping... oh don't judge you know you like it too :)

Five things you would never wear again:
1. Stirrup pants
2. Keds
3. Wigwam socks
4. Overalls
5. Teeny-tiny mini skirts

Five favorite toys:
1. 3M
2. digital camera
3. video camera
4. DVR- what in the world did I ever do before this wonderful invention came into my life
5. cellphone

12 May 2007

Hair raising experience

Exhibit A:Problems with Exhibit A:
1. Little Man's hair may at any moment consume his entire adorable little face leaving me feeling a bit too much like Kate Hudson.

2. If said hair gets some more body and curl there will be no need for the $20 purchase of this beauty .

Solution for Problem with Exhibit A:
3M can hurry up and get his butt home for R&R so he can take the LM for his first haircut. Any bets on whether said first hair cut will involve the words high and tight??? I kid, well hopefully I kid as I did tell him he could do whatever he wanted.. In retrospect that could have been a very unwise choice.

Have a good weekend!

10 May 2007

Great American

A Marine that my husband fought beside has been killed. His life was taken by a sniper. I don't know the reason or the situation but I do know that he was a great American.

A great American? I often joke with friends that before 3M and I got married I never knew there were such things as great Americans, I thought that if you lived in America you were American and that was the end of it. I was wrong.

There are men and women who put their lives on the line, for people who complain about them and belittle their efforts. Men and women who spend time away from their families and friends so that others have a chance at a better future. They work 20 hour days so that my son, and many others sons and daughters can live in a country that is free and safe.

Truth is we are surrounded by great Americans and we don't even know it, let alone show it. I am glad that I finally understand this secret society and comprehend that its members may be walking next to me at the mall, waiting patiently for me to turn so they can drive on, or smiling politely as I pass them in the grocery store.

Unfortunately, I also know that today there is one less great American walking this land and that is a true shame. I am sorry I didn't get a chance to thank him for protecting my husband and defending my freedom. I can't wait to get the chance to thank the next great America who crosses my path.

09 May 2007

It's been a long time

I keep a nightly journal as a way of letting 3M (yes this is the new nickname, you get major points if you can figure it out.. ha ha) know what is going on it our world and it is also my chance to tell him the things I wouldn't dare say on the phone. Not the angry things or the frustrating thing, but the real things, the hard thing, the things I can't bring myself to say out loud. So instead I write, feverishly at time, so that I can validate my feelings while simultaneously maintaining my denial. It is a nice little set-up I have going.

And then there is this.. the blog.. the new blog, where I turn to share my stories of fear, worry, serious bouts with little to no bravery, and beliefs that I have no right to be considered a grown-up. I won't even validate the ridiculousness of the past with words on these pages because it truly does not matter. What does matter is that I can use my voice, well okay my typed (and spell-checked) voice to help me and perhaps let someone else know that they are not alone. Too often during this journey I feel like I am alone, like no one else could possibly understand how much it hurts, or how difficult it is. But the truth is I am wrong, really wrong. There are many, too many, who know exactly what I am going through and exactly what brings me here.

So to all of you who "get it" and to those of you who support those of us who are living with the fact that we have to "get it", let's get this journey underway again. The sooner we start the sooner it will be over. In other words, come on in the water's just fine :)

08 May 2007

Testing, testing

Hello all!!

Here we go again, hopefully this time without the crazy stalker people

Wish me luck