I keep a nightly journal as a way of letting 3M (yes this is the new nickname, you get major points if you can figure it out.. ha ha) know what is going on it our world and it is also my chance to tell him the things I wouldn't dare say on the phone. Not the angry things or the frustrating thing, but the real things, the hard thing, the things I can't bring myself to say out loud. So instead I write, feverishly at time, so that I can validate my feelings while simultaneously maintaining my denial. It is a nice little set-up I have going.
And then there is this.. the blog.. the new blog, where I turn to share my stories of fear, worry, serious bouts with little to no bravery, and beliefs that I have no right to be considered a grown-up. I won't even validate the ridiculousness of the past with words on these pages because it truly does not matter. What does matter is that I can use my voice, well okay my typed (and spell-checked) voice to help me and perhaps let someone else know that they are not alone. Too often during this journey I feel like I am alone, like no one else could possibly understand how much it hurts, or how difficult it is. But the truth is I am wrong, really wrong. There are many, too many, who know exactly what I am going through and exactly what brings me here.
So to all of you who "get it" and to those of you who support those of us who are living with the fact that we have to "get it", let's get this journey underway again. The sooner we start the sooner it will be over. In other words, come on in the water's just fine :)